but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
