dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
