she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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