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People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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