I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
