So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
