"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
