Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
