he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
