i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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