please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
