Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
