Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
