two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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