i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
