So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
