I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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