I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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