im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
