This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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