so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
