If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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