So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
