I wanna passion pit in your ass
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
