before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
