OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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