Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
