I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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