So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
