i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize