Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
