do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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