Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
its liver damage thursday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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