god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
