Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
