At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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