She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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