I faked an abortion last night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
