my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
