You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
