it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
