lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize