John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When are your genitals available?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
