Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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