I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
