Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He felt like a one man threesome
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
