he shaved USA in his pubs
Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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