I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
