Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize