It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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