we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
