i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
