its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
