New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
