I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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