I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
