i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
