does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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