I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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