Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
