Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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