i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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