Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
