I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This baby is an asshole
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Randomize
