rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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