woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
