i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
