you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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