I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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