i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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