I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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