I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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