Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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