I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
