Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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