you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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