Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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