Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
operation have a gay friend backfired
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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